Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
