even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
