Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
