Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Randomize
