What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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