Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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