are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
