She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
love makes seman taste better
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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