No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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