So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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