also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
i need some magic done to my vagina
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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