i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
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you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
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