whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
