Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
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He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
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I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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