Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
