Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
