so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
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It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
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Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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