You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
