just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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