I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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