I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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