I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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