I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
