we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
