she was so not down for the gang bang
are you so shy because you have an std?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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