It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
