Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
