It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
