Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
