he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
