Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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