god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
