I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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