I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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