I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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