So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
