I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
