Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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