i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
