dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
