OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
