I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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