He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
