If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
