am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
