Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
