You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
