Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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