Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
