I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
