Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
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Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
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Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
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