I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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