Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
