he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
