a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
