He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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