Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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