we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
