I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
