That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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