I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
