Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
