I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
