So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize