Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
