Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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