Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
