Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
