Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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