I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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