Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i came on her dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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