i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
