my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
